•I’m Not A Gynecologist But I’ll Take A Look.
•Even Your PokerFace Is Ugly
•I’m Not A Proctologist But I Know An Asshole When I See One
•A Little Birdie Told Me You’re A Dumbass
•Attention! Choking Hazard
•I Don’t Know You, But I’m Pretty Sure I Don’t LIke You.
•Why Are You Still Here? The Stupid People Left Hours Ago.
•Hit It And Quit It
•I Had Your Cake And Ate It Too
•No One Cares About Your Blog!
•Some Idiot Bought Me This Stupid Shirt For Christmas
•What Happens At The Trailer Park… Stays At The Trailer Park!
•If I Gave A Shit, You’d Be The First Person I’d Give It To.
•I’m Just Like You…Only Smarter and Better Looking
•There’s No “I” In Team And There Ain’t No “I” In “Go F Yourself” Either
•I Can Only Please One Person A Day. Today Isn’t Your Day
•Your Trailer Park Called…Their Trash Is Missing
•Your Village Called Their Idiot Is Missing
•Let’s Flip A Coin HeadsI get Tail Tails I Get Head.
•I’m Not Fluent In Idiot So Please Speak Slowly & Clearly
•Despite The Look on My Face You’re Still Talking?
•That’s Mr. Asshole To You
•If I Wanted to Hear From An Asshole I’d Fart
•Tell Me Again How Lucky I Am To Work Here (I Keep Forgetting)
•Your Results Came Back… It’s Not A Tumor.
•To Err Is Human To Blame Someone Else Shows Mgmt Potential
•Everyone Is Born Right Handed, Only The Gifted Overcome It
•I’m Not Santa (But Your Can Still Sit on My Lap)
•Are You Going To Eat That?
•Let Me Drop Everything & Work On Your Problem!
•Mess With Me You Mess With The Whole Trailer Park
•Don’t Rush Me I Get Paid By The Hour
•I’m Not An Alcoholic I’m A Drunk – Alcoholics Go To Meetings
•Wang the Dyslexic Guy Says Yuck Fou
•Don’t Take Life So Seriously. It Isn’t Permanent.
•4 Out Of 3 People Have Trouble With Fractions
•Remember, You’re Unique Like Everybody Else
•My Imaginary Friend Thinks You Have Serious Mental Problems
•This Is My Costume. Now Give Me The Damn Candy
•Alright, Already..I’m Sorry Unfuck You
•I’m Right 98% Of The Time. Who Gives A Crap About The Other 3%
•My Parents Said…I Could Be Anything I Wanted, So I Became Bn Asshole
•I Never Make Mistakes, I Thought I Did Once, But I Was Mistaken
•Here I Am Now What Are Your Other Two Wishes
•Who Are You and Why Are You Reading My Shirt
•Where The Hell Is Easy Street
•I Can See Your Point But I Still Think You’re Full Of Shit.
•I Would Do Me.
•Whatever…
•I Drive Much Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol!
•Yes, I Have Plenty Of Change You Homeless Piece Of Shit.
•Yes, My Shit Does Stink
•Dora the Whora
•No to Osama, Obama, and Chelsea’s Momma!
•Life’s a bitch. So don’t vote for one. Hillary Clinton.
•San Francisco Zoo / Tony The Tiger
•I Ride The Short Bus
•Can’t Beat The Parking
•I Beat Anorexia
•Rehab Is For Quitters
•Support Your Local Pole Workers
•The Only Mark I’ve Made in Life, Is In My Underwear
•Man Whore
•Dreams Do Come True
•Fu-K You in Sign Language
•Spelling Bee Runnor Up
•Cracker
•Will Turn Tricks For Treats
•Charles Manson
•”Being Crazy Meant Something”
•Rock Out With
•Your Cock Out
•Dyslexics Untie!
•Gun Control Means Using Both Hands
•It’s All Fun & Games ‘Til The Itching & Burning Starts
•I’m Hung Like A Black Man
•Crazy Enough For A Post Office Job
•Fish Naked Show Off Your Pole
•It’s 10 P.M. Do You Know Where Your Girlfriend Is?
•Doesn’t Play Well With Others
•My Butt Itches
•I’m Retired Go Around Me
•Work Harder Millions on Welfare Depend on it!
•I Love Country Music (Hillary Clinton Rebus Puzzle T-Shirt)
•No More Bushit!
•Restraining Orders Are Just Another Way Of Saying I Love You
•Department of Redundancy
•Some Days Its Not Even Worth Chewing Through The Restraints
•Medicated
•If A Man Speaks In The Forest, But There Is No Woman To Hear Him. Is He Still Wrong?
•Priests Rub Me The Wrong Way!
•Work For God The Retirement Benefits Are Great
•Jesus Loves You Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Asshole
•Jesus Loves You But I’m His Favorite
•T-Shirt For Dummies
•Fat People Are Hard To Kidnap
•Have A Nice Day
•Can’t Feed ‘Em? Don’t Breed ‘Em
•For English: Press 1, Para Espanol: Move To Mexico and Press 2
•Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes
•Caution! This Person Makes Wide Right Turns
•Trash
•Caution: Wide Load
•Sometimes I Wonder “Why Is That Frisbee Getting Bigger?”
•Don’t Tase Me, Bro!
•WHASSUUP
•I’d Hit It…And Do Double Damage!
•Real Men Wear Pink
•Embarrassing My Children : Just One More Service I Offer
•I Survived Catholic School
•I’m Huge In Japan
•333 I’m Only Half Evil
•Slave To The Bean
•I’m Confused. No Wait & Maybe I’m Not
•This Is The Worst Day Of My Life Again
•I Eat Paste
•Employee Of The Month
•The Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate 1.
•Say Hello To My Little Friend(Gnome Shirt)
•Fight The Power Let My People Rise (Gnome Shirt)
•Chillin With My Gnomies
•You Down With OPP? Yeah You Gnome!
•Off-Road Warrior(Golf Cart)
•That’s How I Roll!
•Golfers Handicapped
•All County Mailbox Baseball
•Grab Your Balls We’re Going Bowling
•It Takes A Lot Of Balls To Golf LIke I Do.
•Get Your Daily Dose Of Iron
•There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
•I Put Ketchup On My Ketchup
•I Love Redundancy
•For Good Luck Rub My Tummy
•Whatever It Is I Didn’t Do It
•I Found Jesus(He Was Hiding Behind the Sofa)
•I Used To Be Scizophrenic… But We’re OK Now.
•Who Are These People and Where is My Underwear?
Funny status messages for IM apps.
15 years ago
11 Comments
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About The Author
MadScientist
The man the myth the well...maybe not a legend. Some say I was dropped here from an alien planet, others just think I'm mad. Either way here I am. If you have happen to my mind wandering around anywhere, would you be so kind as to give it a kick?
Some are interesting
Some of those things said above are totally disrespectful to women. But heyy what do you expect, guys are like lava lamps, fun to look at but not too bright.
Great statement “girl” I like that one, I have heard the very same expression said about women.
The man-woman debate is like the mac-pc debate neither side ever wins but the battle rages on. Yes I said neither side ever really wins contrary to what my wife and many other women think when men just play dumb.
Here is a hint, men actually are really bright, it is just fun to let women think we are dumb then we aren’t held to the standards we are capable of living to.
these are some kind of good ones:
i wanna kill the sexiest person alive…… but suicides a crime
when life hands you lemons, grab the tequila and salt and run!
Thanks for the new ones, that was the concept of this post to allow anyone to post other one and get a huge list of them going.
Keep em coming.
when life turns it’s back on you, grab it’s butt!
When life gives you lemons, dropkick he nearest bystander. It’s got nothing to do with lemons, but it’s certainly more intereseting.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Another friendship quote
Best friends arent the ones who yuu knew longest theyre the ones who never left yuu and always stood by yuur side in times of difficulty
My best friend (apparently was) broke up with me but after thinking so hard about ti I finally made up this quote by myself and said it to her and I said Yuu cud never be my ebst friend cuz when I was in times of difficulty yuu just went and left me and went with yuur other friends thats why we just broke up and she realised her mistake and said SORRY and said I PROMISE to always stand by yuu in times of difficulty
So I think this quote made by ME is rlly effective.
The last quote about the frienship thing is so out of place here
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