Transformers 2 – Review (Spoilers)

Well it is time for another moview review, I only review a movie when it is really good or really bad. It is with great displeasure and a broken heart, that I bring you the following review of Transformers 2 – Revenge of the Fallen. There are spoilers in the review so if you still plan on seeing it don’t read ahead any further.

Never before have I been as dissapointed in a movie as I was tonight. Anxiously have I awaited the release of this sequel to one of the greatest movies I have ever seen. So much potential for this sequel;

Micheal Bay a director famous for good sequels.
Introduction of more transformers and characters.
A perfect ending to continue from.

Instead this movie is of the same caliber as King Kong by Peter Jackson. I mean this movie was so bad I almost walked out of the theatre half way through.  At every turn I was hoping something would happen to save the movie but it never did. At every opportunity to save it Michael Bay screwed it up even more.

Top reasons why Transformers 2 – Revenge of the Fallen sucked – let me count the ways.

1. Michael Bay has invented a new race of  Transformers the moronicons, these are the endless stream of little “Decepticon” robots that flooded this movie. Their moronic behaviour, babble and the seemingly endless stream of them alone was enough alone to wreck this movie.
2. Lets just jump right ahead 2 years without any introductions to the new Autobots that have arrived and are working with the humans in a special task force. Except of course idiot twins which reminded me of a really bad cheech and chong movie.
3. Someone forgot that you need to develop new characters when making a movie instead of just having them appear guess chevy owned the movie and wanted to show off the new Corvette.
4. A giant chevy commercial, OMG I can totally understand car companies sponsoring a movie but seriously General Motors logos showcased on the screen at every opportunity. What a total waste. Why not allow other car companies to have vehicles in the movie, add some variety to the Autobots. But I Guess GM spent ALL there money making sure that it was only their cars in the film when they should have been worrying about the state of their company. Shame on Michael Bay for letting this happen.
5. I am all for comedy in a movie but really this was so over the top rediculous that it hurt to watch.
6. The little moronicon humping Megan Foxes leg! – Seriously what idiot thought this would be a good shot for the movie. Sure the audience laughed but come on!
7. The giant testicles on the constructicon at this point I was wishing that they would just aim the big rail gun at the theatre and end my torment.
8. Jetfire – As the movie introduced the SR71 it looks like there is going to be something that changes the downward spiral it is on. But no! Why would you save the movie instead lets make a decrepid cenile old robot that walks with a cane. Who let all the idiots into the writers group, just because it seems funny in your head doesn’t mean it will help the movies you talentless hacks.
9. Super prime – OMG Optimus Prime went to Canadian Tire and bought all the stick on parts he could find and went into battle.
10. The human Decepticon with the super tounge, WTF you seriously added a Terminator T-X  into the movie. Did someone not tell him that they made Terminator Rise of the Machines already and that you did not need to add one into the transformers.
11. All the transformers have breath. Yes they have breath and spit alot, Note to writers: You did not need to make them more human like for the audience to love them WE ALREADY LOVED THEM YOU IDIOTS!
12. BumbleBees little emotional breakdown in the garage where he cries. Hmm lets see his character was established in the first movie now he is a brooding & bumbling little whiner instead of the gaurdian that he was supposed to be.
13. Action for the sake of action, lets just blow shit up ALOT, forget plot, story and character development. If we just blow stuff up and have lots of big robot battles people wont realize that movie sucks.
14. We have all seen Pearl Harbour and don’t need to watch scenes from it in transformers. The bodies floating down after the aircraft carrier sinks jesus man why would you need to add that scene into the movie it does nothing for the movie other than give you a 14A rating.

That is the major reasons that this movie sucked balls. Such a fitting term considering all the references to balls and sacks in the movie. I wish there was something good I could say about the movie but it is so tarnished by crap that there was nothing that could save it. No matter how good the special effects were or how much stock military footage you through into it, CRAP is still CRAP.

1/10 is all that I can rate this movie. I have never been dissapointed to badly by a sequel as I was by this. I am fed up of over hyped directors thinking they can do whatever they want with a movie franchise and wrecking it. Not that I am an advocate for piracy but if you want people to goto the theatres and buy the DVD’s instead of pirating movies make something that is worth the price of admission and waiting in long lines to see. Judging by IMDB it looks like Michael Bay has been listed as Director for Transformers 3. I certainly hope you fix the mess of this franchise that you made with Revenge of the Fallen.

Well that is all I have to say about this, I think I will go watch Transformers (the first one) and find a way to get over this horrible night.

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